I've brought it unto myself

'lei zi gei loh lei geh' utters my grandma in cantonese when i whine about how hard my studies is.. I've chosen this road myself.. I had stop studying for 3 years before deciding to plunge into it again.. I could have taken other degrees but i continued my engineering course because it's the shortest route for me to obtain a degree continuing from my engineering diploma.

well right now i'm in the final stages of my studies.. I would like to think that the end is so near and can be seen within my line of sight but i have been having sleepless nights worrying about failing my studies and hence risking my parents' hard earned money.. both my parents worked hard putting me into what I wanted.. i cannot let them down.. all the care i've received would be wasted and all my sufferings in vain if I ever fail to obtain a degree.

All these thoughts are hunting me right now till i think i'm a little depressed.. i couldn't sleep for 2 days.. im thinking too much, worrying and assuming too much.. i wish all these could stop right now.. and hence i wanna write down my thoughts here and hopefully feel better after this.

mr.uk guy is coming to my college on the 12th.. i hope i'll be able to show him my project with confidence..though it's only half completed.. but i'm relieved to know that my project marks are not at stake as the guy just wanna check and is not giving us any marks on the spot.. a lil relieved now.. come to think of it.. this whole engineering course seems like an attitude building course.. I now have a lil confidence that if i have the correct attitude, I can make it through the obstacles.

At the end of the day..it's just a piece of paper you say.. yeah.. i feel the same.. not like it's really gonna make a big difference in my life but since time and money had been invested, it would be a nightmare if i fail.. oh well.. i'm all too pessimistic about the outcome.. I shouldn't be.. after all my overall marks now are in the 2nd upper score region.. I should be glad